I was in the mood to "blog" (I like that word....) and glanced back and noticed that I started THIS blog thing TWO YEARS ago and had been "providing" for about a year before that.  Hmmm, time DOES fly.  So, I'm still here and needing to fucking just DO SOMETHING but just don't know what that "something" is.....

 

I think that I am past ready to make some life changes but just not courageous enough to step up and do so.  I have been "stuck" in this phase and truly waiting for something to fall from the sky to either strike me dead, "save me", or something along those lines.  But, now I'm just pissed!

 

I've gotten fucking FAT!  LOL...and so if I would just....I don't know...start to exercise and eat healthy again...I would look AND feel MUCH better!  What a concept, huh??  And, I miss my mom!  So, maybe I should just call her...better yet answer the fucking phone when she calls me...and TALK to her.  I have a car now...perhaps it isn't entirely out of reach to DRIVE to fucking Dallas and GO SEE HER??!!  LOL...these "concepts" are just amazing, huh?! 

 

And about the guy....HE DOESN'T FUCKING LOVE ME!!   Sooo, uhhh....why not just get my shit together and go (his words, not mine)....really...WHY NOT??  I'm a beautiful, amazing, sexy, funny woman that has so much love to give so WHY am I STILL HERE and WAITING for "crazy dude" to get "un-crazy"??  I'm NOT stupid so WHY do I somehow think it's possible to just wait until he realizes I'm NOT a "dirty little hooker", "lying whore", "waste of space", and the list of his names for me goes on....  FUCK THAT SHIT!

 

I'm about to move into a brand new condo, get NEW "stuff" to fill it up, get MY DOGS back from Doggy Day Care, start focusing on ME, MY HOUSE, MY DOGS, and MY LIFE, right??  Yes, I AM a little "hostile" but am crying while I get this out so it's really a plethora (another good word) of emotions right now.  I'm 38, still YOUNG, and have plenty of time to do things right again!

 

So, here's the deal....I'm only going to offer the whole GFE thing until August 31st (at the latest), and then I'm going to JUST FBSMs for awhile....no more GFE because I have decided that I am ready for a personal life again and want that part to be private and intimate for when I meet the right person.  I will be in Massage Therapy school by then (YES, I'm going to do it this time) so I will be able to really put my heart into giving a good, quality session that is worth the donation and still end happily yet just not as happy as some may prefer...lol.  Regardless, that is just necessary so I'm marking my calendar and will be updating on here, in my ads, and to my mailing list along the way.   Wow, I can't tell you how that felt to write it (well, type it) AND know that I DO mean it and it WILL happen...awesome!

 

Ummm, I still want to travel, too, so after getting settled again, that is next on the agenda.  So, I'm going to wrap this up and get a little sleep and then wake up and call my mom in the morning....

 

Kisses,

Sarah